<?xml version="1.0"?>
<rss version="2.0">
<channel>

<title>Humor Break</title>
<link>http://www.caerleon.us/hb/</link>
<description>Relatively clean humor, updated every other weekday.</description>
<webMaster>hb@caerleon.us</webMaster>
<managingEditor>hb@caerleon.us</managingEditor>
<pubDate>Mon, 07 Mar 2011 08:04:02 GMT</pubDate>
<lastBuildDate>Mon, 07 Mar 2011 08:04:02 GMT</lastBuildDate>
<language>en-us</language>
<docs>http://backend.userland.com/rss</docs>


<item>
<title>Gold and Tin at the Olympics</title>
<link>http://www.caerleon.us/hb/archive.php3?file_id=205&amp;date=20110307</link>
<description><![CDATA[GOLD AND TIN AT THE OLYMPICS
 
 By MITCH ALBOM
 
 SYDNEY, Australia - The Olympics ended Sunday. The final medals were decided. But here are my own winners and losers of the last few weeks. By the way, I am a purist. Only gold and tin.
 
 Olympic Comeback
 
 Gold: To out-of-retirement swimmers Jenny Thomson and Dara Torres. They came. They saw. They delivered.
 
 Tin: To French track diva Marie-Jose Perec. She came. She saw. She ran away.
 
 New Olympic Event
 
 Gold: Triathlon. Every time you watch it, you think &quot;grueling.&quot; 

 Tin: Trampoline. Every time you watch it, you think &quot;gym class.&quot; 

 Spectator Event
 
 Gold: Beach volleyball. No one's watching the ball.
 
 Tin: Table tennis. No one can see the ball.
 
 Endorsement Opportunities
 
 Gold: Marion Jones. Every company in America would have her.
 
 Tin: C.J. Hunter. Even the doughnut shop doesn't want him.
 
 Olympic Excuse
 
 Gold: Aussie boxer Bradley Hore, 18, who couldn't make weight because he'd grown two inches since qualifying.
 
 Tin: The Kazakstan coach, nabbed with 15 vials of human growth hormone. He said it was for his baldness.
 
 Olympic Quote
 
 Gold: The Italian medalist who said before his drug test, &quot;Cut me open. All you'll find is pasta and marinara sauce.&quot;
 
 Tin: The Aussie walker who was disqualified 200 meters from winning her 20-kilometer race. When asked what she needed, she said, &quot;A gun to shoot myself.&quot;
 
 Shocking Moment
 
 Gold: When Rulon Gardner, the unheralded Wyoming farm boy, beat the unbeatable &quot;Siberian Bear,&quot; Alexandre Karelin, in Greco-Roman wrestling.
 
 Tin: Finding out that they eat kangaroos down here - with barbecue sauce. 

 Olympic Sportsmanship
 
 Gold: To taikwondo's Esther Kim, who sacrificed her spot so her best friend, Kay Poe, could go to these Olympics.
 
 Tin: U.S. swimmer Amy Van Dyken. She spits in the lane of the opponent next to her. Yuck.
 
 Olympic Spirit
 
 Gold: Aguida Agalar, the marathoner from war-torn East Timor. Finished third-from-last - and still kissed the ground.
 
 Tin: U.S. men's basketball team. Will finish first - and still lose interest.
 
 Olympic State of Denial
 
 Gold: C.J. Hunter
 
 Tin: NBC
 
 Most Photogenic Aussie
 
 Gold: Pole vaulter Tatiana Grigorieva. Think Heather Locklear.
 
 Tin: Long jumper Jai Taurima. Think Weird Al Yankovic.
 
 Olympic Water Story
 
 Gold: Eric Moussambani of Equatorial Guinea. He gave new meaning to the words &quot;swim slow.&quot;
 
 Tin: The sharks in Sydney Harbor. They gave new meaning to the words &quot;swim fast.&quot;
 
 Home Team Performance
 
 Gold: Cathy Freeman, the 400 meters gold medalist, who helped unite her nation, black and white.
 
 Tin: Whoever set the vault five centimeters too low. No wonder the gymnasts were black and blue.
 
 Olympic Secret
 
 Gold: To USA Track &amp; Field, which hides its drug testing results better than Los Alamos hides its nuclear secrets.
 
 Tin: NBC's delayed TV broadcast. I'll let you in on something: The Olympics actually ended last week. They just haven't been televised yet.
 
 <a href="http://www.caerleon.us/hb/rate.php3?r_id=205" target="_blank">Rate this joke</a>]]></description>
</item>


</channel>
</rss>

